Created for Care Fun

Last weekend I was so excited to be able to attend the Created for Care retreat, an awesome getaway retreat for adoptive mamas.  I had been wanting to go for the last couple of years, but wasn't sure where we'd be in the adoption process.  So needless to say, this year I was determined to go!  I was supposed to go with a couple of friends who ended up not being able to go, but I still went (and am SO glad I did!).  I drove down to Atlanta by myself Friday morning (after a slightly tearful goodbye when dropping Hayes off at school) and arrived around 1:00.  Since it was sort of last minute that I ended up going alone, I had a room to myself.  This tired mama did not mind that one bit!

The weekend was a wonderful time to rest, and be refreshed and renewed.  It was so incredible to be in a room with over 450 mamas who also have a heart for adoption.  The times of worship were some of the most amazing I've ever experienced (and the singing was beautiful too!).  I got to "meet" some of my fellow adoption mamas that I've met via Facebook, blogs, etc.  I also got to meet some of my very favorite bloggers!

Throughout the weekend I continued to pray for God's will for the next step for our family.  I'm still processing everything that I took in, so more blog posts to come soon!

Sadly, I was having so much fun, that I didn't take many pictures!  Here are the ONLY two that I took!  I've got to post it to prove to the hubby that I was actually there!

{Above: Me with my sweet new friends Wynne and Bobi}

More from my amazing weekend to come soon!  Happy snow day y'all (for those of us in Tennessee!)!

Mommy Guilt

This mama is having a hard time balancing teaching, mommying, maintaing our house and blogging!  Most of the time I feel like a chicken with my head cut off.  At times I feel the weight of the pressure of trying to do it all. I'm very Type A and try to do my best at whatever I'm doing.  But trying to do my best at teaching, mommying, house cleaning, and blogging (you can tell which one of those easily takes the backseat! I'll try to be better!) usually ends up with me feeling like I'm not doing any of them 100% (heck, sometimes it feels like I'm not even at 50%!). 

For you moms out there that work, hats off to you (and hats off to those of you that don't too!  But this post is specifically about my struggle being a working mommy!).   I'm still trying to find a good balance.  Most of the time I feel like a bad teacher and a bad mom.  I'm trying to do all of these things and I'm not doing any of them well!  A lot of the time that I do get to spend with Hayes when I get home from work (which luckily, since I'm a teacher, is early), he is in a bad mood from being tired from being at school all day.  From about 4:00-6:00 I run around sometimes literally standing on my head to keep him entertained.  He has been EXTRA tired lately and has been going to bed around 6:00-6:30.  So that's not a lot of time together.  But I LOVE my time with Hayes in the afternoon.  The best part of my day is picking him up from school.  When I get there the kids are sitting in their tiny chairs at a tiny table about to have snack.  It's too stinking cute!

And since I've been MIA on the blog lately (and to boost the mood of this broody post!), I feel like you MUST see some of the latest cuteness going on around here!

Best.Hat.Ever.  Nothing else needed to say about that...

Ummm, how old is this kid?  Someone please stop him from growing!

Close-up of his adorable self!  And getting a mini afro.  Mommy's loving it!

Nap time with Mommy while Daddy worked on a Saturday.  Shhh. Don't tell him that Mommy spoils Hayes sometimes.

My beautiful sleeping baby!

And I had to share this one because the hubby and I totally think he looks like he's a Backstreet Boy in this picture (insert more current boy band for you younger people reading this!).  Big boy rockin' his first pair of Toms.

So that's what's been going on around here lately.  Just trying to find a proper balance in life.  How do you mommies do it?  I feel like we're FINALLY getting in a routine, but I'd love your advice!

Hayes's Wheels on the Bus Party (Part 2)

As promised yesterday, here are more pictures from Hayes's Wheels on the Bus birthday party.  Click here if you missed it! 

 

Thanks to my awesome sis for being our photographer for the day. Love you Aunt Rachie!

 

 

The sweet birthday boy!

 

 

 

He was so excited when his big cousins arrived!  I love how he's looking at Jack in this picture!

 

 

 

Both graddads!

 

 

 

 

Uncle Al!

 

 

 

 Gigi



 

 

 

Hayes with Aunt Rachie!

 

 

 

 

Hayes and "J."

 

 

 

Mommy and Aunt Andrea.

 

 

Great-grandmothers!

 

 

 

It was one crowded house! 

 

 

 

Singing to the birthday boy.

 

 

 

He was unsure about the cake until I gave him a bite of icing.  Then he dug in.  I'll have to post the video later.  It was pretty awesome!

 

 

Mommy and Daddy with the cake monster!

 

 

Big cousins are great for helping open presents!

 

 

Holding the toy Mommy and Daddy bought in Ethiopia.  We bought him gifts to give for several birthdays.  He loves making noise with his zebra toy!

 



Great-granparents.

 



He fell asleep shortly after opening his presents.  It didn't bother him that we had a house full of people.  This birthday boy was TIRED!

 



We were sad to be missing Uncle John and Aunt Ellen who couldn't make it, but we had a great day!  We are blessed with a large family who love and care about our precious boy!  We had a great day celebrating our Ethiopian angel!

It Was a Happy Happy Day

As I mentioned in Friday's post, it was our sweet Hayes's 1st birthday.  The hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed spending the day with our son.

Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a shirt with a monkey wearing sunglasses and a tie!

(And oops!  Our documenting of our day didn't start until the 3rd stop.  Bad mommy!)

The day started in a not-so-fun-way at the doctor's office for our 1-year checkup.  Well, just the shot part was't fun.  

Then, we headed to Bread & Company to have a yummy lunch together.  Hayes chowed down on applesauce, bread, and tomato basil soup (this kid will eat just about anything!).

Next, we went to Phillip's Toy Mart to pick up a birthday gift for the man of the day.  We let him carry it around the store, but don't worry...I still wrapped it up and officially gave it to him later that night.  He still seemed surprised to me!

After our little trip to the toy store we headed home so Hayes could take a much-needed nap.  We hung around the house until time for dinner.

For dinner I thought it would be fun to take him to eat Ethiopian food since he's never had it.  A couple of months ago, I bought an Amazon deal for $15 for $30 worth of food at Mesob, a local Ethiopian restaurant.  As we sat down and took in the music and atmosphere, I immediately started to tear up.  It reminded me so much of our time in Addis Ababa.  I miss our son's birth country often and this overwhelming feeling of homesickness came over me.  It was fun to reminisce on our time in Ethiopia over dinner.

We ordered Doro Wat, Beef Tibs, and Lentils, which we scooped up with injera, their flat spongy bread.  If you've never had Ethiopian food, I highly recommend it.  Everything was delicious and Hayes agreed!  I was so glad that he enjoyed his native food!  Our waitress was so sweet-she even brought him a piece of birthday cake!

During dinner several Ethiopians came over to say hi to Hayes and talk with us.  It was fun to share some of our story with them.  One man said "It's wonderful what you are doing, taking a child from poverty and giving him a loving home.  We appreciate you."   We told him how lucky we feel to have such a sweet, loving son and how much we love the country of Ethiopia.

When we got home, I put him in his traditional outfit that we got while we were in Ethiopia.   Then he opened his present from us-a car.  We have 2 more things for him at his party next week!

It felt so good to have a connection to his roots, even if it was such a small thing as going to dinner.  One of our favorite things about the Ethiopian culture is how warm and welcoming the people are.  All in all it was a happy happy day!

Happy Birthday, Hayes!

I know, I know...long time no hear from.  But this full-time working and being mommy isn't leaving me much time for blogging.  I'll try to do better.  No promises though!  

Lots has been going on around here lately including our 6 month visit with our social worker, Hayes's first Thanksgiving (spent at the beach!), changes in his sleep habits, and walking.  I'll blog more about those later; I've got exciting news: today is Hayes's 1st birthday!

I can't believe our not-so-little-guy is one today.  We'll be celebrating next weekend with a little party with the fam.  Today the hubby and I are spending a low-key day with our man.  We both took the day off so we could celebrate.  Well, let's face it...Hayes doesn't know the difference, so it's more for us! : )

We don't have any big plans for the day (other than his 1-year checkup where he will have to get a few shots.  I know, not nice mommy!  But I already took the day off, so I figured we needed to knock it out!).  We plan to take him out to eat Ethiopian food tonight since he's never had it before.  It's important for us to remember his birth country and celebrate that too.

This week as his birthday approached, I couldn't help but think of his birth mommy.  How does she feel today?  What is she going through on this day?  Is she thinking of her sweet baby boy like I am?  These thoughts somehow make me feel more connected to her.  Maybe one day I will have the opportunity to thank her for this incredible gift.  I would like to tell her how loved and cherished Hayes is.  That's he's a loving, energetic little boy that's just so full of life.  That he brings so much joy to our lives each and every day.  That we can't imagine life without him.  That our lives have been abundantly enriched because of him.  Those are just a few things I would like for her to know.

Happy 1st Birthday, Hayes!  You are one loved little boy!

Thoughts on Going Back to Work

Well, today's the day I kept thinking was so far away....the day I return to work (and in case you're wondering how I'm posting from work, this post was magically set to post on its own).  By the time this  posts, I'll have been at work for about an hour.  So forgive the confusing nature of me writing this in the future tense.

The hubby and I will be dropping Hayes off at his new school together.  I figure I could use a little moral support!  I've taken Hayes to play there once, so he could get used to it a bit before today.  And he loved it.  His teachers and the school are great!  But still, this mommy's heart is going to be sad.

Well-meaning friends and family members keep assuring me that it will just take some getting used to and that he's going to be great.  And I'm sure he will be.  But my adoptive mama friends will understand why I'm a little extra worried.  I'm most worried about our progress with his attachment (to read more on attachment in adoption click here).  I just don't want us to take steps backwards in how far we've come.

I thought I'd be ready to go back to work-that I'd be bored at home (and that is in NO way to offend you stay at home moms.  I know how tiring it is.  I just love teaching!).  I'm worried I'm going to be rusty and not know what's going on (well, that 2nd part is true.  There's been a lot of changes at my school, so I probably won't know what's going on!).  LOTS of worries here, so prayers would definitely be appreciated! Oh, and advice too.  If you adopted and went back to work, how did it go?  How did your child(ren) deal with it?

I mean, look at this face!  You wouldn't want to go back to work either!

Attachment 101

A couple of days ago I mentioned I'd be doing about how Hayes has been doing as far as attachment goes, so here we go...

Hayes was 6 1/2 months old when we brought him home.  He had lived in 2 different orphanages during his young life.  He was passed around among many caregivers.  He had no real attachment to anyone.  When we brought him back to the guest house where we were staying, the other families kept exclaiming what a "good" baby he was.  I knew that this was not normal (and not that he wasn't a "good" baby, but it's not normal for a baby to NEVER cry.  On the flip side, he didn't smile or make cooing noises much either.).  He was just as content to be held by random strangers in Ethiopia (and they WILL just take your baby from you!  haha!) as he was to be held by us.  Hayes did not trust that any one specific person would be there to meet his needs.  So from the time we arrived home, we began "cocooning."

For 2 weeks Hayes and I didn't leave the house.  Most families actually cocoon much longer, but I was going stir crazy!  The hubby and I were the only ones to hold, feed, rock, bathe, change, and comfort him.  When he did cry, we immediately met his needs (usually with a bottle and cuddle time).  After 2 weeks we ventured out a bit, usually just to Target so mommy could get out of the house.  A couple of times (even after being home for a month) we went to a restaurant and it was just too much for him.  After these instances we would stay at home for a few days.  We didn't usually get out but once every 3-4 days.  After 2 weeks we also let immediate family hold him.  Honestly, I was planning on waiting longer, but I didn't feel that people really understood (and I felt like they were upset with us), so I bulked under the pressure.  After we had been home for about a month, we went to church.  Even there we didn't allow anyone to hold him (which is what we did when we went anywhere was there were more than just a few people present).

For us it was a beautiful time of bonding.  It is such a crucial time to Hayes's healing process.  We have seen a huge difference in our son.  He now cries and lets us know when he has a need.  He smiles and laughs and is an all-around happy, confident little guy. He loves to be cuddled and he loves touch-holding hands, putting his hands on our faces, etc.  He will let other people hold him, but still looks for mommy and sometimes wants to come back to me.  When he fusses when someone else is holding him, we still are the ones to comfort him.  He knows that we are mommy and daddy.  The difference in him is truly amazing.  

And still after 4 months at home, we've been the only ones to feed, bathe, change, and rock him to sleep.  We also have only left him in the nursery on 2 occasions and once with a family member (for 1 hour).  This is about to DRASTICALLY change as I go back to work a week from today.  To say that I'm nervous is an understatement, but more on that later as this post is getting lengthy!  We'll continue to watch Hayes, as attachment is an ongoing process.  I've already told the hubby that if we see him regress in the area of attachment, then I'm quitting!  And I mean it!  I'm not going to work the detriment of our bond with Hayes.  We would love to have your prayers during this time of transition for our family.

Here are some things I wished we had done a little differently that maybe can help some of you in the process:
- Prepare friends and family for what cocooning will look like ahead of time.
- Cocoon as long as you feel is necessary.  
- Stick to the rules that you established as far as the time frame for others to hold him.  
- Wear younger children in a wrap/ergo.  I didn't do this (I usually just held him on the couch or rocked him), but I think he would have benefitted from this.

For more info on cocooning and attachment, read here, here or here.

Sorry for the LONG post, but hopefully some of you who have just arrived home with your children or  who will soon be home with your children will benefit from this in some way.  

Here are some pictures of what attachment looked like early on in our house...

Snuggles with mommy.

Snuggles with daddy.

Snuggles in the big bed.

More snuggles with daddy.

Bath time.

4 Months Home!

I can't believe our little guy has been home for 4 months.  

Time has gone by WAY too quickly!  I'll be returning to work in a week and a half.  I'm trying to have a good attitude, but many tears have already been shed by this mama!

Hayes is doing very well (other than this last week deciding he doesn't want to sleep through the night anymore-making for one tired mama) and growing more and more confident every day.  I'm planning a post later in the week on attachment and how he's done along the way, so stay tuned for that!

And because I can't have a post without pictures, here's out little punkin' after church yesterday.  You know I love a holiday-themed john john!  Thank you consignment sales! He is set for Halloween and Christmas!

Happy 4 months home, little man!  We love you so much and can't imagine our lives without you!

Bringing Mary Home Handmade Auction

I just LOVE hearing about other adoptive families' fundraisers and helping spread the word.  This week the Dinsmore family (you know, Lara the Farmer's Wife?) is having an online auction to raise money to help bring their sweet daughter Mary home from Uganda.  Check out this video to find out more about their 2nd adoption:



Amazing, right?  So head over to their auction and show some love.  Christmas is just around the corner.  Start your shopping early!  Their auction is full of awesome handmade items. Here are a few of my favorites:

Here's the link to the auction.  The auction ends Thursday at 11:59 PM, so hurry on over!  I donated some of our tshirts and magazine bead necklaces we had leftover from our fundraising, so head on over and check it out!

Airport Homecoming Pictures

I know this post is a bit delayed, but I figured better late than never!  I wanted to be sure to document our airport homecoming.

All of these pictures were taken by the fabulous Candice Stevens of Candice Lynn Photography.  Thank you Candice for capturing our special day!

My family waiting on our arrival...

Sweet friends!

Love your sign Porter!

Here we come!

And the tears start flowing...

Hayes meets my family...

Meeting his cousins and aunt...

Hayes with Daddy and his great-grandmother.

Hayes wearing the adorable gingham outfit that my sweet Mom made him!

Love my sweet boy!

Sisters!

Hayes with the hubby's family.

Hayes with my family.

Two of my precious former students came out to welcome Hayes home!

And they made the cutest signs!

Best friends since 1st grade with our baby boys!  They have no choice but to be best friends!  And we're so proud of Porter because he can already say "Hayes!"

Hayes meeting our sweet friends from 1Seed.  They are the awesome ones who made our fundraising lunch possible.  Thank you for helping us bring our precious son home!

Family of 3!

Time to go home!

I can't believe that we've been home 9 weeks today!  Thank you so much for all of your love and support since we've been home.  We love our little guy so much and are so thankful he's home with us!